


I can't go on, I'll go on

by Bec_of_Imagine_land



Series: Walking into the light [1]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Stormtrooper Rebellion, storm trooper defection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:10:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bec_of_Imagine_land/pseuds/Bec_of_Imagine_land
Summary: FN-2187 was alive and fighting with the resistance; reports had started filtering threw that he had been seen on outer rim planets aiding them. If the resistance was keeping a fully grown Stormtrooper deserter surly they wouldn't fight getting some younglings sent their way. Right?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tomorrow (there'll be more of us)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648131) by [dimircharmer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimircharmer/pseuds/dimircharmer). 



“Please I’m Sorry Lieutenant Commander! I’ll do better don’t send me to me decommissioned.” The small Cadet attempted to wriggle free from the firm grasp pulling him to the room that was whisper about from bunks late at night. The room that if you were taken to you never came back from.

The Lieutenant Commander didn’t respond and didn’t stop pulling him to his fate; the pale stormtrooper mask unable to show any remorse that HC-679 would soon be going into THAT ROOM. Desperate to stop this from happening HC-679 dug his heels in momentarily before going completely limp and throwing himself on the ground. The Lieutenant Commander’s response was swift and unmerciful, as was expected from all officers, striking HC-679 across face hard enough to leave a bruise. Or it would have if he wasn’t about to be decommissioned, stupid hand to hand test, he had failed it for the fourth time in a row. 

The strength to fight seeping out of him all at once leaving the Lieutenant Commander to drag him back to his feet and push him towards THE ROOM. HC-679 dragged his feet until he reached the door unable to think of a way out of this. The Lieutenant Commander swiped his card opening the door showing a brightly lit room with a table and a single chair that had the standard prisoner straps attached. HC-679 felt himself being pushed to sit in the chair the straps securing his wrists. The Lieutenant Commander turned, busying himself with the vial and syringe that would be his end. 

He should have defected after his second failed test. When that freighter captain left her bay door unprotected. There was that one trooper they said got away, rumors started floating around the barracks three months ago, that FN-2187. They said the resistance took him in and that he was still alive. The Lieutenant Commander turned back around and swiftly pierced the syringe into his neck and injected the poison before HC-679 could put up any resistance. The effect was instant the world spinning around him, The Lieutenant Commander instantly unstrapped him and started hauling him to a compactor chute. Oh Maker he wasn’t even going to wait until he was dead to toss him away. 

The last thing HC-679 knew was the sharp push and the sound of the chute door closing as he fell into darkness.


	2. The Beginning

FN-2155 knew this would happen ever since he received his promotion to Lieutenant Commander. It was known to all Stormtroopers that children who didn’t keep up with the training or the standards of the fist order were decommissioned. It was one of the first acts of cruelty younglings in the stormtrooper program truly processed. Your bunk mates would start disappearing if they were too willful or too disrespectful. The most whispered about circumstance where when things happened around a cadet; they didn’t need to touch the salt,. it seemed to come to them on there own.

Naturally it was the officer under Captain Cardinal who was in charge of the process and now FN-2155 was the officer planet side who was the highest ranking officer besides Captain Cardinal. It was one thing to kill an enemy, someone shooting back at you or someone harboring traitors It was another to decommission a Cadet CK-354 who had earlier in the week hit a target and looked around so happy to have succeeded and finally when he saw FN-2155 had waved excitedly until the Ensign directly overseeing the training noticed and set him back to practicing. Now on his desk were orders that the cadet was showing Force sensitivity and was to be pulled for decommissioning. The youngling was just five and had only begun his training, at this age it was simpler to wait until lights out and take the child in his sleep.

Even with the war fighting inside of him FN-2155 silently ghosted into the youngling’s barracks, lifting the Cadet and carrying him to the decommissioning room. The room’s bright lights making the sterile environment look especially eerie. Gently he laid down CK-354 hesitating before looking up to locate the syringe that was to be used to decommission the cadet. Slowly he picked up the syringe and before he could really think of the he inserted the point and injected the solution right into the cadets sleep shirt without breaking the skin. 

Now what was he supposed to do? He had disobeyed his orders to decommission the Cadet and the Syringe was empty. Surly there was a camera recording the decommissioning room. The cadet was still sleeping soundly as only a youngling could in a situation like this. FN-2155 walked over the cart that the decommissioned Cadets went in until they were taken to the compacter. Pulling the cart back to the table where CK-354 was eerily still if he didn't know the truth FN-2155 would have assumed that the youngling truly was dead. Moving the cadet into the cart was nerve wracking because now if the youngling woke up it wouldn't just cause a commotion but the Captain would know that he had disobeyed his orders. 

Slowly he pushed the cart out into the hallway which was thankfully empty. He started walking towards the compactor unsure where else to go with the cart.

Turn left camera facing east side of hallway. 

Next left camera that points down the entire hallway.

The next right that leads past the open shipping crate storage room. The room filled with crates waiting for the next delivery of supplies or the next privateer to come by with the more difficult to acquire items that officers were inclined to use their power to get. More importantly the shipping crates in this room were empty; and troopers didn't come into the dark room if at all possible. Most importantly that hallway was very short, and with only one uninteresting room the higher ups didn't feel like it was important to have a camera watching this area at all. 

Quietly and as quickly as possible he pulled into the room pulling out CK-354 from the cart. Just in time it would seem since the Cadet was starting to wake up from all of the shuffling.

"CK-354 I need you to follow my orders right now this is very important." FN-2155 whispered trying to cut off the flood of questions that the Cadet looked ready to barrage him with, and waited to continue until CK-354 nodded. "You need to stay in here and be very quiet, I will be back shortly but you can not leave this room. I need you to go behind the storage crates and if anyone comes in go to the very back of the room and you must not let them know you are here. Do you understand." FN-2155 asked as he crouched down on his heals to get closer to the youngling and so his whispered voice could be heard more clearly. 

"But Lieutenant Commander, why are we in this room? Why is my shirt wet?" CK-354 asked looking completely confused at the wet patch on his shirt. Well at least the Cadet was asking simple questions but how could he explain everything that was going in an equally simple way? How to explain to a youngling who was barely in his fifth year not even old enough to understand what he was being trained to do?

"Well Cadet, I need to go but I will be back soon and then I will try very hard to explain to you what is going on. Until then can you follow my order?" FN-2155 asked trying to use his very best I'm in charge right now voice. The response would have been endearing if not for the dire situation. 

With a sharp but very sloppy solute and an attempt at a heal click CK-354 replied in a quite but firm. "Yes, Lieutenant Commander." 

With a nod of approval FN-2155 looked around the room for anything he would be able to throw in the compactor in the younglings place. Finally just before FN-2155 lost all hope in finding something he noticed some old uniform shirt that had been dumped in the far corner and forgotten probably by some of the older cadets. Tying them together their were enough to loosely make a cadet shaped cloth bundle, which got tossed into the cart before he started back on his way to the compactor. 

The only Troopers he passed were wise enough not to question him as marched to the compactor. Opening the chute he made a point of lifting the cloth bundle acting as if it weighed like fifty pounds compared to the five pounds the cloth weighed. 

As much as he wanted to check back with CK-354 he forced himself to walk past the storage room and go straight to the decommissioning room. Drop off the cart and report to Captain Cardinal.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"You were able to fully decommission the Force user without problems?" Captain Cardinal questioned as soon as FN-2155 entered without turning to look at him. He was looking out the window observing the empty training areas. 

"Yes Captain, I took the child as he was sleeping as you had suggested," FN-2155 answered, hoping that he sounded steady and truthful and not at all like he did the exact opposite of what was expected of him. 

"I know it was possibly difficult to do this Lieutenant Commander but remember it is for the good of the First Order. There is a possibility that he would become a Jedi; even under the best case scenario where he became one of the Knights of Ren, even they can't be truly trusted. Force users have more power than any single soldier should have," The Captain said, finally turning to look at FN-2155 completely remorseless despite ordering a younglings' death. 

"We just received reports that the Traitor FN-2187 is still alive. He was captured on The Finalizer attempting to sabotage the ship, however Captain Phasma was able to stop him.”Captain Cardinal reveled. “Unfortunately, he was able to escape alive and is out there. We must make it clear that desertion is not an option. Keep a strict watch on all cadets, troopers, and even the other officers." FN-2155 could barley believe that the rumors were true, there had been whispers that 2187 was still alive but it was always refuted with the answer that the First order would never allow a traitor to survive, even if the rest of a mission was a failure. 

"Of course Captain, any threat to the first order needs to be eliminated," FN-2155 agreed, thankful that he had not received permission to remove his helmet for this meeting. 

"You’re dismissed. I expect you to monitor the ZY Cadets with their 0800 training first thing  
in the morning." Captain Cardinal dismissed him with a swift wave of his right hand and with a practiced salute and a sharp click of his heels FN-2155 gratefully fled from the Captains office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first real chapter up and the start of real plot development! I hope everyone enjoys it. See you next Friday.


	3. A needed Ally

After reporting with the Captain, FN-2155 was more than happy to get back to his room and (I would change the and to either before or after a quick stop at the fresher. Once he had showered it was closer to 2400 and he had to check back in with CK-354 to make sure he was still safely tucked in to the storage room. Quickly he gathered a few items into small bag, to try to placate the youngling until he could find a way to get him off the planet. 

Walking down the hallway, he carefully dodged out of the way as fellow stormtroopers patrolled the building. Thankfully, it took little time to get to the crate storage room. Inside it was almost frighteningly silent. Walking around to the back of the storage room, FN-2155 nearly tripped over CK-354's legs; he had managed to cram himself into a crate that had been turned on its side, silently looking up at FN-2155 waiting for some kind of answers. FN-2155 shuffled closer to the youngling before crouching next to him, busying himself with pulling a blanket out of the bag and wrapping the youngling in it.

"Why am I here, Lieutenant Commander?" CK-354 asked in such a quite voice that for a moment FN-2155 thought he had imagined it.

"Well, Cadet," FN-2155 started, then paused still unsure how to explain it. "There is something that came up. You are no longer a Stormtrooper Cadet and I need you to stay here until you are moved to your new home."

"Why am I not allowed to be a Cadet anymore? Where am I going to go?" The youngling asked, somehow asking simultaneously what FN-2155 didn't know how to answer and what he didn't want to explain.

"I can't answer that right now CK-354, but I need you to stay in this room. In this bag are rations and water. I will come and check on you as often as I can. Do you understand your orders, Cadet?"

"Sir yes Sir," CK-354 answered, thankfully too young to understand that if he was no longer a Cadet then he would not need to obey any orders.

"Get some sleep, I will check in with you tomorrow," FN-2155 promised as he pulled the blanket tighter around the youngling before he left the room.  
________________________________________________________________________

The morning would have been grueling even under the best of circumstances; over-seeing the morning training of the YZ cadets was honestly his least favorite thing. They were all just entering their pre-teens, and it lead to everyone being unable to handle their hormones; the more physically mature cadets often causing problems and pushing around the others.

On top of that FN-2155 found himself being called to Captain Cardinal's office once again. All he could hope for was that this had nothing to do with the decommissioned cadet that was still very much alive in a storage room.

"FN-2155, I will need you to ensure that the Valerian has landed and will be unloading their supplies shortly," Captain Cardinal ordered when he reported to him after morning training. "Here is the list of official items we need Captain Zarander to bring in the next shipment." The data pad was passed over along with a holo disk, then with a smooth movement another holo disk was handed to him, undoubtedly the Captains personal list. Too relived that it was just a different assignment he accepted both disks and with a salute he headed off to the Valerian.

The Valerian was a YT-74 class ship, nicknamed Firefly, often used by smugglers because of all of the nooks and crannies and the fact that almost every panel was removable for easy repairs. The Captain, a Freja Zarander was willing to bring difficult to find supplies for the officers who were willing to pay the right price. She had been bringing "supplies" like snacks, magazines, and even different furs and rugs that officers liked to have decorating their personal rooms in a show of power.

Captain Zarander was nowhere on her ship, which was odd. Getting off the ship FN-2155 started towards the officers floor, maybe she was receiving the other officers orders. Turning the corner to a short hallway he caught sight of the missing Captain removing a data collector from the kiosk in the only hallway without a camera.

"You're with the Resistance," FN-2155 gasped, not quite sure how to handle criminal activity when he himself was hiding a cadet he had supposedly decommissioned. He took two steps forward until he was directly next to her. Unfortunately, it didn't look like the Captain shared that same hesitation which she showed when she pulled a blaster on him. Fortunately, he was close enough to her that he was able to wrestle away the blaster. Unfortunately, he learned Captain Zarander had a mean right hook and even though his helmet protected him from the worst of the strike his head still rang slightly.

"You'er with the Resistance!" FN-2155 repeated trying to create a plan with this new information. "I won't tell anyone your with the resistance, if you do me a favor," He attempted to negotiate before she could get a truly painful blow in, grabbing ahold of her right arm before another strike could land.

"What? I am not doing you any favors Hutt-spawn," She snapped before attempting to wrestle away from him.

"I can assure you, the resistance will want this," FN-2155 attempted to say with confidence. The only way CK-354 was going to make it off the planet alive was with a ship that wouldn't instantly report back to the First order. Which meant the only way FN-2155 wasn't going to get court-martialed and lined up for a Blazer squad was if the resistance helped and stayed quite. The resistance wouldn't turn away a youngling, right? Especially one with force powers. They had a Jedi that would probably be willing to take on some apprentices or so he'd heard.

"What is it you want off of this Frakled planet so badly?" She asked looking like she was fighting her own curiosity more than anything at this point.

"Meet me on your ship in an hour, when you finish unloading your cargo before you get replacement crates," FN-2155 answered, letting go of her arm only once she nodded. "One hour," He repeated before marching away to CK-354 hoping to explain what was going to happen to the youngling.

________________________________________________________________________

Captain Zarander was waiting for him, standing on her unloading deck glaring up at a stormtooper who had dared say something she didn't like. The poor Trooper didn't seem to know how to handle the Captain who was almost a foot shorter than him. FN-2155 walked up the ramp and quickly drew her attention from the Stormtooper who took the opportunity to bolt.

"What do you teach your men, where they think it is okay to invade my ship and kick my droid?" She snapped before he had a chance to say anything. A BB unite peeked around the corner, a noticeable scuff on its body.

"I will discuss it with those who unload your ship. Now I was going to escort you to get replacement crates. Oh, and here are the base and Captain Cardinal's holo requests," Fn-2155 said to her as he handed the two holo disks over before he started towards the storage crate room. "I have a couple questions. Is it true you have a Jedi with the resistance? And did FN-2187 really join the resistance?"

"What are you talking about? Yes, Rey exists and are you talking about Finn?" She asked sounding confused as they walked down the hallway at a steady pace.

“Never mind there is no time for any of that. There was a cadet who showed a sensitivity to the force. As is standard procedure he was to be decommissioned, I have betrayed the First Order and the youngling can't be found," FN-2155 explained as quickly and quietly as he could, pausing to look at her before stepping into the storage room.

"What do you mean decom..." She started before movement from the back caught both of their eyes.

"Lieutenant Commander! You're back and who did you bring with you?" CK-354 asked looking at Captain Zarander in awe. Something easily forgiven, male cadets his age for the most part hadn't seen woman often, the female cadets were kept in completely different training facilities. The few female officers they encountered didn't have soft cloths and wild hair; and they most definitely didn't crouch down and offer kind smiles to cadets they passed.

"This is Captain Zarander of the Valerian. She will be helping you get to your new home. I need you to stay in this crate and stay very quiet until the Captain says you can come out, do you understand?" FN-2155 answered, stacking a couple of crates on the nearest cart.

Captain Zarander quickly started helping the cadet into a crate on the cart, tucking the blanket around him to cushion him in case of bumps, then helping him open up the foil on a food portion.

"Remember to stay quiet, little one," She added with another smile for the baffled Cadet as FN-2155 set another crate on top hiding the youngling from prying eyes.

The walk back to the Valerian was, thankfully, uneventful and the crates and youngling easily unloaded into the now empty cargo bay.

"Here is my personal com connection. Don't use it unless absolutely necessary," Captain Zarander said handing a holo disk to him as he started to get off. "Hey wait, what was your name?"

"FN-2155, pleased to meet you." FN-2155 answered.

"FN? What is up with you First Order people and not having real names?" She asked looking distracted. "Enzo is a good name. What do you think? I mean you're wearing all of that armor so I can't tell if it suites you looks wise.

"Enzo?" FN-2155 repeated, shocked at her ease at just giving someone a NAME.

"Yeah Enzo, I think this will work," She answered, a smirk forming. "I guess I'll see you in two weeks, Enzo."

"Two weeks, Captain. What is it you resistance say? May the force be with you," Enzo replied before marching off the ship and walking back to the main building; not turning when he heard the ship take off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Sometime Monday I will post the first chapter of the side stories taken from Kylo Ren's POV and maybe Rey's. The first chapter will start where this left off. So keep your eyes open for it. :)
> 
> See you next Friday.


	4. The First of Many

On the old forgotten Planet of Dantooine the rebels had landed, and were working to rebuild. Their hope strengthened by the events of the past few weeks. Yes they had lost many but they had received much at the same time. The knowledge that their was a new young Jedi fighting for them. That Stormtroopers like young Finn could break free from their brainwashing. That there was still good in the universe and people who needed hope. 

General Leia Organa had been a main figurehead for the resistance from most of her life. That meant many odd situations had come up that needed her attention but this was definitely a first. 

"General I was able to receive the information that you requested of me. However, there was an unexpected turn of events, I was caught by a Stormtrooper." Freja reported and Leia momentarily felt terror that the closest thing to a niece she had, had been injured. A quick glance showed no obvious injures.

"It turns out that the Lieutenant Commander who caught me was hiding something himself. It is unlikely that he is going to blow my cover, you can say we have information on each other." Freja continued before the General could jump to conclusions. 

"Captain? How much longer do I need to stay in here? Lieutenant Commander said to stay with you." A small voice broke threw to the welcoming committee and General Organa looked over to see a small figure mostly hidden in the ship. 

"Is that a Stormtrooper cadet?" Finn asked from his spot next to the pilots who had practically adopted him after he go out of medical for the second time. The question caused hushed whispers to break out across everyone within earshot. 

"Apparently if a youngling shows sensitivity to the force they Commanding officers Decommission them. I having a feeling that that doesn't mean they get sent to a retirement home." Freja confirmed speaking quietly before calling out, "You can come out little one. Come meet the General." She encouraged and was almost immediately rewarded by the youngling scrambling down, then racing over to come at a halt slightly behind Freja before giving a clumsily salute. 

"Freja I need to hear this whole story please come with me to my office to debrief." Leia Ordered before looking over at the youngling. "What is your name?

"CK-354 Ma'am" The youngling answered before attempting another salute. If anything most of the whispers got louder and Leia could see Finn with his infinite kindness taking a few steps forward. 

"Well CK... Why don't you go with my good friend here. His name is Finn I'm sure he will be willing to get you some real food, a name, some proper clothes. He can take you to visit Rose, I'm sure she would like some company." Leia suggested tankful that Finn didn't hesitate walking over and leading the youngling off in the direction of the cafeteria .

"There is much to tell you General." Freja stated before falling in step with Leia as they walked to the Generals new office. 

~~~~~~

Finn had learned much in his short time in the resistance. One of the first ting he learned was that food was how most people handled any event, and it always tasted good. The ration portions and nutritive beverages were a thing rarely seen, for the most part they were what emergency kits contained. CK-354 was seated next to him in the cafeteria staring at the plate of food that Jessika had set in front of him with a smile. Finn understood that all of the different colors and textures of the food in front of him could be a little overwhelming even though Jessika had obviously kept the youngling's age in mind when she loaded the plate to only a quarter the size of her own. 

Slowly the rest of the pilots came to the table some just something coming to sit down at the long table others bringing their favorite treats to set in front of the youngling. Slowly CK-354 tasted the purple mush that Finn knew Jessika loved. It was like a black hole had opened up, and the youngling almost inhaled his entire plate before happily accepting all of the offerings the various resistance members gave him happily. 

Thankfully Jessika seemed to realize that the youngling would eat himself sick and she started turning away snacks.

"That's enough for now little one, if you are hungry later there is still dinner. Now next on the list that the General gave us if I remember correctly a name is next on the list." Jessika said looking at Finn as if asking how to handle this. 

"My name is CK-354!" The youngling answered with his clumsy salute.

"Well maybe we can find something a little more exciting." Poe answered sitting next to Jessika on the other side of the table, then before Finn or Jessika could stop him he slipped the youngling a slice of air cake. He ignored the disappointed look from the other two as he watched the youngling smile so wide that it looked like it should hurt and dug in. 

"How do you like Cas?" Jessika asked instead of acknowledging what the commander did.

"Cas?" The youngling asked mouth full of cake, freezing looking between Finn and Poe when he realized he had spoken with a mouth full of food. Something Finn remembered vividly was definitely punishment worthy when he was a cadet. Instead of saying anything Finn just took another bite of his own meal. 

"Yeah Cas, as a name how do you like it?" He asked his mouth still semi full.

"Yeah I like it." Cas looked at them excited. 

"Well Cass the next step if I remember right then is to get you some new clothes and then you get to meet Rose!" Finn said happily helping Cas stand up from the table, and the two of them went off to get Cas started with his new life. Hopefully the General would have a chance to talk to Rey about maybe having Padawan before they finished visiting Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am late, this was supposed to be the a much sadder chapter this week but it turned out much longer than planned so I am cutting it into maybe three chapters maybe; my week has been exciting and my beta is out of town... I'm not sure but tell me what you think of having it switch between the action and what is happening with the rebels. See you next Friday.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Sooo this is my first star wars story I have decided to use navy Ranks in this series because storm I couldn’t figure out what ranks are used in the movies and they travel on space “ships”. I’ll try to update every Friday so I hope you enjoy enough to read again next week. 
> 
> George Lucas has described the Star wars Series as a rhyme or a circle. The moment we knew Anakin had gone to far that Padme and Obi-Wan could not bring him back was when he killed the younglings I remember crying in the movie theater. So to compete the circle isn’t it only right that the saving of younglings become a vital part of bringing a balance?


End file.
